Teen series: Relationship 201
Chioma got to her new school, she was indifferent about the inter-school transfer until she got to the school premises, the wall paint was faded, the blocks were too dirty and the lawn full of grasses. She wondered how she would survive in her new school seeing that no one even noticed her presence, so she avoided connections with other students because they were too timid for her liking; she stayed alone until Kelvin caught a sight of her one afternoon during recess. She didn’t believe that someone like Kelvin could be in such a school. They easily bonded because they were both city returnee. They did everything in common and they studied together. Everything was all right until Kelvin caught his lips in a lock with Chioma’s. When they both realized how they had trespassed, Kelvin avoided Chioma and Chioma was down with guilt. Suddenly, Kelvin returned to Chioma and requested they became more than friends, Chioma felt she was not ready for a relationship with Kelvin, she was just 13 and Kelvin 17.
“Do you think I am ready for a relationship?” She asked
As young as Chioma was, some parents do not see any obligation to discuss relationship with their young, thereby leaving these ones to seek answers on their own. Sometimes, friends fill them with erroneous information and other times they buy advice meant for adult consumption.
Some teenagers are under the pressure of going into a relationship because of the numerous groups where adult dating advice is given without discretion. Social media is not a disadvantage but it has made worse imparts than good on our young ones when it comes to dating and relationship.
One of the common questions I get from teenagers is “At what age do you think it is right to start dating” I look at them and smile, sometimes, they wish I could give a specific answer but I don’t even know any specific answer so I turn to them and say” I understand your desire to be with someone who thinks you are special, I felt the same way too. I know your need for someone who gives you some sense of belonging but the age at which you should say yes to dating depends on the reason you want to be in a relationship.
There may not be any spelt out age someone should go into a relationship but it depends on one’s ability to handle the responsibility that comes with being in any relationship.”
During my NYSC, my new friend told how she willingly got married at 12 and as at 2017, she was still in marriage, at 23. What if someone restricted her because they felt the age was not right? Who knows…
Irrespective of the beautiful scenerios, the burning sensation and the love malaria you experience, you must do a soul search with these three questions before you venture into a relationship:
- Do you want to be in a relationship?
As a teenager, it is very common for you to feel the way you do; it is actually not abnormal when you feel the urge to be with the opposite sex. It is development and hormones at work when you feel you need a boyfriend or you want to have sex. But the question is if you actually want to be in a relationship or your friends want you to be or you feel it is the right tag for a big boy/ big girl. Do you want to be in a relationship or you feel you are the only one who is yet to be in one or your friends feel you are possessed by some demons or you lack the ability to handle the opposite sex?
Whenever the urge to say yes or ask someone to be your girlfriend comes, ask yourself “why?” if you do have a justifiable purpose to go into a relationship as a teen or you think the answer you have given yourself is worthwhile and okay, you may need to answer the next question.
2. Can you be in a relationship?
It is one thing to think you have the ability to do something and it is actually another to have the ability in actuality. When you feel you need to be in a relationship, do you really know that relationship is work, it demands responsibility; you have to be accountable for your decision. Most times, teenagers fail woefully because they do not have the right knowledge about what they have ventured into. If the only reason you want to go into a relationship, is to satisfy the desire of being with someone whom you consider special and one who considers you same, have you asked yourself if you can also handle the bitter part of being in a relationship. Do you also know that a relationship is the connection of two people, which can flame a wild desire that you may not be able to manage, which leads to sexual immorality and subsequently, abortion.
Being in a relationship will require your time, energy, sometimes go extreme to require your body (sex), it will require you lose your independence and most often it makes you lose yourself as a teen. Do you think you give up all just to feel special? If you think you can do these and must be in a relationship now, maybe you consider the last question.
3. What do you think will be your gain at the end?
Sometimes, teenagers rush into relationships even when they do not know what to expect and they know they are not ready. Imagine a 13 year old who feels she is going into a relationship with marriage in view. Do you think at your age you won’t regret your choice of a life partner in 6 years time? What you feel you need in that person right now may look way awkward and childish when your age is 21. How do you expect to help someone when you have not found yourself? A relationship is not for someone who does not even know what he wants talk more of helping another become something. Do not mistake your crush on someone for love. Forcing yourself into a relationship when you do not have a view in mind is like sitting for an examination when you don’t need the result for anything. Be wise.
In conclusion, I leave you with my advice.
Dear Teen, there is a way that seemed right in your sight but the end therefore is death so Seek ye first the kingdom of God, seek to serve the lord as a teen, seek the right knowledge, seek wisdom, seek self discovery, seek to lay a better foundation in your academics, and seek to become emotionally stable before you seek a relationship because there is no time too late to start and build a relationship.
PS: Parents don not recruit the devil to teach your children what you are too shy to teach them because you will live to regret your wrong choice of a tutor.
From Big Sis.